Sunday, April 23, 2006 »
Its been 3 months and dont know how many blahblah days.
My first entry as a full time national service MAN. BAH!
notice the emphasis on the M-A-N! no longer the act cute immature blur sotong boy boy (though i feel that i look more like a boyboy now according to some sources)..but a full fledged man.
Ns mah. Typical saying is that once you've been through NS you will be a man, so i shall stereotype here. Boo to u people who roll your eyes at this. LOL!
New experiences, new friends, new grounds, new level of breakthroughs. What matters most was that the Holy Spirit, God, was always there by my side. Through my ups and downs, without my cell members, without people of the same faith as me, sometimes its hard to carry on, with vulgarities hurled from side to side, with unknown territories to thread on during conversations, its a new warfare altogther.
But God was there.
Now i'm blogging this entry with georgie beside me, waiting for my turn at the doctor. agonizing wait. i HAVEN pack my field pack to book in yet! argh!
Learnt alot. Easter I wasnt there, but still God gave me visions of what easter was about, and is still for. Love as a sacrifice for a friend. I'm no Christ, I'm no Holy person. But the best I can do to start a friendship, to maintain one is when i sacrifice something for another person. Isnt it true, thats how friendships starts. When you let go of your differences, when you look past the faults and amke yourself accept someone, when you learn to love even when u feel like giving up counselling a depressed person, u r sacrficing something of utmost importance. For me, me time. For me, my own burdens, i place it in behind peoples'. Thats how i love other people.
God showed me my strengths, my weaknesses. No one is perfect. Only God is.
I thought i will give up after consecutive days of 4km route march to 6km route march to the different trainings after that to my IPPT cat test. I thought i would give up halfway everytime. But God always reminded me that He was and always will be there for me. I emerged 5th in my 2.4 km run. I endured through the 4km route march 6km route march. Now theres more to come. 8km, 12km, 16km, 24km, field camp. Seems tough, i dont know, but only this i know. God will always pull me through.
People may think that max is so high up there. Max is so sharp in the Spirit, so sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading, so full of wisdom in the supernatural stuffs. But when i entered the army, i know that God is making me to learn about Him, to love Him jus when I first converted. Its not like I'm moving backwards or what, but its a new level of faith, of encounters that God is preparing me for.
To do His will, not mine.
To lean on His strength and not mine.
Without God, I am nothing.
To explore new places of grounds which I've never gone before.
Seems like nothing, but for me everything there is a challenge.
I miss my family, I miss church, I miss my cell group.
I'm tired after trainings, and most of the time i felt like sleeping.
There doesnt seem to be anytime for worship, for prayers.
But yet, I want to press in, I didnt come so far just to go back.
I came so far because I want to carry on going forward !
When man is faithless, God is always faithful. When I take 1 step of FAITH towards God, He will take 10000 steps towards me. What an exchange!
Its hard, i know, when people are not there to encourage you, but somehow, deep in my Spirit, i know, someone is there praying for me. EVen when no one in this world is praying for me, I know Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the Father intercessing for me.
When I felt like the world is against me, when i cannot click into conversations of clubbing of girls of sexual stuffs, i miss my friends, but yet, I thank God for placing me in a section of people unlike most section, they are fiendly and helpful, vulgar but not to the extreme.
Hard for me to explain. but yeah. I'm sure smart poeple like you will get it.
Revelations come differently for me nowadays. God spoke to me more through my new life experiences, on how I should live my life, on how the poeple in the bible lived their lives. Things are so different, and the ironic thing is im only a sea away from mainland.
Ok my mind is blank now. So yeah. I'm off
Tuesday, January 10, 2006 »
I realised its yet another month since i've last blogged.
Ages it may seem to people. but yet, time passes so fast. I'd barely breathe before the world took me by surprise, yet again, with a swirl of movement, my feet, my hands, my eyes, my ears, all brought me to a new place, a new surrounding.
i guess the part of me going to the army never really got to me. until today at least. to me, i carried on life as usual, found a job, and basically, that took the place of me going to school. ironically it may sound, i STILL go to school, except, i've been endowed with a new identity, an identity whom i loathe in my school years. A new maturity i must assume, everything seemed so surreal to me. truth be said, i've not gotten used to it at all.
i still miss tjc. i still miss my friends, the mushroom theatres, the boring lectures, the kodak moments. nostalgia at its high, i sometimes wonder whether should God give us the ability to turn back time. just once will do. but i know, deep down that i know, i should move on, bolding embracing the new step i take towards my future, the new me, the new people around me.
learning from scratch is always hard. difficulties you must endure, embarrassment you must face, learning to adapt, adapting to changes, changing to suit, all these happen everytime you move on. and yet, its just another stepping stone.
i realised, 3 months more is a short while. time seems to fly past so fast, it seemed as if i've not prepared for anything yet, let alone army. reality seems to hit so fast. it was like yesterday when i candidly laughed back at my father when he told me 2 years more and im going to the army. now, its 3 months. i guess, its about time i pack up this chapter of my life and get ready for a new beginning, a new chapter. trembling? i always am. but dont heroes always tremble at the whiff of a new adventure.
i shall boldly declare: its a new adventure, Holy Spirit!
i was just doing part of my springcleaning, when again, nostalgia hits me. i realises that as i look at the papers, the books, the magazines, the files, the cards, im looking at pieces of me. everyday of my life, can be found in them. how i've changed, how i've grew, how i've matured.
im a pretty nostalgic person. i keep my firsts.
thats why, i kept my First Love. =)
its a weird entry, but im following my mind route. so, its ending weirdly now.
Sunday, December 04, 2005 »
i reallie got not much to sae.
whens the last time you come to God with thanksgiving?
give this some thoughts.
have you ever thought about how great God is? yesterday and today and forever?
have you ever thank God that He sent His only Son to die for us?
have you ever thank Jesus that He is willing to die for our sins?
have you ever thank the Holy Spirit that He is always with you wherever we go?
when man fails us, God didnt?
have you ever ever thank God for salvation? for His grace?
sometimes, things are unpredictable.
bad things may happen to good people.
what we can do is to stand on the promises of God.
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are THE CALLED accoridng to His purpose."
sometimes things happen that we cant explain.
like why would God give us faith for this and suddenly just take it away.
so many questions. so many that are unanswered.
what i know is that God will reveal everything to me in His time.
we may not know now, it is hard for us, yes, to believe that everything will work out right.
especially in difficult times, we cant see through, our visions are narrowed, obscured.
all we can do, is to pray and wait.
one day, God promises, He will reveal everything to us.
Mark 11:22 - Jesus spoke 4 simple words. "Have faith in God"
all i can say is, friends, have faith in God.
keep praying, keep believing.
always come to God with an attitude of thanksgiving. =)
Thursday, November 17, 2005 »
in a few words...
I CAN DO ALL THE THINGS I WANT YET ONCE MORE!
Monday, November 14, 2005 »
Have you ever seen a bonfire? How the start is always burning strongly while at the end, the fire dies off?
Thats the life of most believers in the kingdom of God. People started off loving God with all their hearts and yet, at the end of the day, that fire within them dies off.
This starting process is always like this:
1) You became a christian
Response : Hallelujah! I love God so much! Hes done so many great things in my life!
2) You starts to learn about God and His word
Response : WOW! God is so amazing! I'm going to do this and that and this for Him!
3) You start to evangelise
Response : I'm going to reach out to the lost!
4) You start to have revelations
Response : God told me this and that and this and that!
And then, most often than not, the fire inside you dies.
The next response : You figured you became spiritually dry.
Get a grip on yourself!
Before we get consumed by our personal problems.
Think for yourself.
Do you have the same passion Jesus have for you?
If Jesus was willing to come to the cross,
If Jesus was willing endure the stripes and beatings from the roman soldiers,
If Jesus was willing to be humiliated, stripped naked and donned a dirty garment,
If Jesus was willing to be mocked at when a crown of thorns was put on Him,
If Jesus was willing to do all these, and much more, doesnt it speaks enough of His passion, His love for us all?
He became the ultimate sacrifice, the Lamb of God, when He was willing to be crucified. The bondage of sin broken in our lives forever, if we believe in Him.
He broke the bondage of curses on that cross of calvary
He took all our sicknesses and infirmities for "by His stripes, we have been healed" so that the bondages of sickness can be broken forever in our lives.
He endured the shame, He empathized the brokeness that we have as we walk down this road of life, to give us a "future and a hope".
He did all these, so we can live in liberty and in freedom.
Did Jesus for once, treat all these casually?
Did Jesus ever, take His love for you lightly?
He could have called down legions of angels to save Him.
He could have called down fire of God to consume those people who humiliate Him.
God could have destroyed mankind, when Adam sinned against Him.
He could have simply wiped off the thought of you and I in His mind.
Yet, He didnt.
His love for us, never ever, died off.
His passion for us is always burning, be it yesterday, today or forevermore. Because He is a God who doesnt change.
If the fire inside you dies off,
add in fuel again,
more woods to the burning bonfire.
Build your foundation on the Word of God,
knowing, spending time, leaning on the Holy Spirit,
rebuild your altar before God again.
-Be passionate in your spiritual devotion.
Its not about me, myself and I.
Pro 3:5 -6, be dependent on God always. Its about knowing God, and knowing His thoughts.
Its not about dry religious prayers, its about communicating to God, Spirit to Spirit.
-Be passionate about serving one another.
We are all brothers and sisters in Christ.
Edification is God's command for us.
To serve is not a routine.
Its about the joy of meeting people's needs, like the joy of God meeting yours.
Its about helping others, and not seeking glory for yourself, but by our actions, God's love can be shown.
-Be passionate about living your life to God.
Its about fulfilling your Holy calling unto God.
Living life fully and with no regrets when you go up to heaven, because you can tell God "I've finished the purpose You've placed in my life"
How to find your first love again?
Come back to the altar of God.
Seek back God.
Its not about running away from God.
Its about running to God.
No one can help us, if we dont help ourselves.
Its our own walk with God, not others.
We have to learn. Now or never.
And to end off,
1 cor 13:3-7
Love comes at a price. If you want to love God wholeheartedly, pull yourself out of the throne of your heart, let Jesus sits on the throne of your heart once again.
Not seeking to glorify yourself in front of others. But to glorify Jesus in you.
Love is the greatest gift God gave us.
Thats the key to reconciliation.
Because 1 cor 13:8 "Love never fails."
Wednesday, November 09, 2005 »
|Your Brain's Pattern|
You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.
|You Are Likely A Forth Born|
At your darkest moments, you feel angry.
At work and school, you do best when your analyzing.
When you love someone, you tend to be very giving.
In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out.
Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry.
You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.
oh great. im a first born >.<
seriously God.. i reallie dun need this right now.
not when im in the midst of my exams.
God, i dun need all this crap thats happening!
What i need :
I dun need :
4) Loud noises
I REALLY AM SICK OF ALL THESE.
I REALLY CANT HANDLE THEM ALL RIGHT NOW.
I really cant concentrate.
I really cant study.
FREAK LAR. I GIVE UP STUDYING NOW.
I cant freaking study outside.
I cant freaking stand the distractions outside.
I got freaking distractions at home.
Morning to night?
WHAT IS THIS!?
..I CANT STUDY AT HOME?!
FREAK! WADS THE PROBLEM WITH THEM!
2) ALWAYS QUARREL
3) NEED ME TO TAKE CARE OF HIM
DO THEY EVER EVER EVER GAVE A THOUGHT FOR ME?!
I GIVE UP MAN
Monday, October 31, 2005 »
Jesus loves you, just like you are.
The power of God, is the result of the glory of God.
God's power is the fruit of God's presence.
God's anointing proceeds out of God's presence.
The presence of God deals with God's ways.
How many times have we been awed by the power of God.
That people fall under the power of God, that people are filled with the Holy Spirit that they break out in Holy laughter, or the times when new tongues are given and interpretation follows?
How many times have we looked at the miracle works of God and got consumed by God's enormousity? How many times have we looked at that pastor who is so anointed that he moved so powerfully in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and we think to ourselves that we, one day, want to become like that?
So, we go home and worshipped alot, read the bible alot, want to walk closely with God, only with this motive in mind, that we, if we walk closely, can enjoy the power of God. True, this principle holds, because the closer you walk with God, the more faithful you are in the little things, the more God can entrust you with His power.
But hold it before your thoughts run far, do you do all this for the sake of wanting God's power? Or do you do this because you love God, and God only? That even without His anointing, without the working of miraculous God-given gifts through your hands, you would still want to walk with Him?
Are you contented by just walking this walk with Him?
The passage in Mark 8:27-30 when Jesus asked Peter who he thinks He is, peter did not waver or have second thoughts about who Jesus is. He simply said "You are the Christ." This 4 simple words holds so much truth in it, because from it, we can see the sincerity of Peter's heart. That he do not need affirmation from the world to confirm Jesus's identity, because he knew Jesus. Because Peter walked with Him.
Notice this fact, the presence of God can change a person.
Its in the presence of God, that people's hearts melt.
Saul, also known as Paul, was persecuting the church like mad. He know God, in his mind, all the traditions and such.
But on the damascus road, God revealed the Person of Jesus to him.
Lo and behold, his life changed completely.
Saul heard about the power of God, for all we know, he may have seen the workings of God through the disciples, but the power of God didnt change his mind about everything. He continued persecuting the church.
But Jesus' presence changes everything. When Jesus spoke, He spoke to Saul's heart.
That changed his life forever.
Paul found his destiny in God, preaching about His kingdom to become the apostle of the gentiles. His destiny is so great that without him, the gospel may not have reached us.
When you seek Jesus, you seek the key to life itself. Because the key, is Jesus, the Son of God.
Dont seek the power of God, when Jesus walks in, everything else comes in with Him.
His love comes in, His power comes in, His mercy comes in.
Dont seek life, seek the life-giver. John 4:13-14, John 7:37-38
Dont seek forgiveness, seek the One who forgives. Luke 5:24
Start seeking Jesus today.