Friday, July 23, 2004 »
haha..ten plus days never update le! i rox manz..
i made jolene angry todayz...haizz..never did a good follow-up on people..didnt call them..didnt make and effort in getting into their lives..manz..i felt so bad..
sms doesnt count much..
kept telling myself that i shouldnt feel discourage over mistakes and failures..but haha..i really felt lousy over it lar..wan to cry le.. T_T ..i felt that i'm compromising alot on God..He gave me these people to look after and all i did..haha..
i'm such a let down! felt like screaming everything out!
shant wallow in self pity..gonna get up and move on! change change change!
past few weeks had been organizing the racial harmony day..i only noe the day before that i'm the emcee? haha..crap..after all the planning..the meetings..the asking of teachers..finding equipments..logistics..heh..now im the emcee!? manz..sometimes i duno wad to sae..
after the whole programme..the house captains are not happy about it..they thot its messed up...blahblahblah..i did my best le lar..admist all such stuffs..i got a choir concert to prepare...i got my studies to settle lor..imagine reaching home around 11 everyday..im dead beat larz..haiz..sometimes i wonder why people can be so insensitive sometimes..
repairing my altar with God..felt I compromised too much..why why why!? im so mad at myself..
i felt so lousy now..haha..haiz..
Lord I need Your help..pull me thru please?
why do i kill myself and have so mani commitments?! why!? house captain..ergh..choir..i love singing..im so stupid lar..
I'm rarely spending enough time with my family members..by the time I reached home..they sleep already..Ha Ha Ha..
eye bags getting worse..
I'm going to repair my altar to God now..myself..
Sunday, July 11, 2004 »
today service was awesome! very very awesome! haha i went for service 4 and 5! totally impacted by them lar..i felt so refreshed lorz..=p
i felt God's presence come like never before..His anointing and His power..came like a rushing flood..i was totally saturated in His presence..its truly a really life changing experience..God was so tangible in the church..I can felt God surrounding me..Jesus brushing past me..By the time the worship ended..I was totally in tears..really..my heart broke as I praised and worshipped Him..
God spoke a new amount to me..something i kow its very hard for me to achieve..but i know by God's grace..He will make it come to pass..I will never be shortchanged! Missions..power..Love..world..Gospel..Jesus!
I want to be a social worker for God..i want to impact the lives of the people that are neglected and rejected by the society..I want to do so much more for Jesus Christ! Spread His Love! I wan to touch people like wad Jesus did..
Prayed for mike today..he was sick..hahaa after i prayed for him..he got healeD! haha completely! Jumping around during praise adn worship..and coming shopping with us after that! Thats how Jesus is like..He heals without leaving a scar..He heals completely!
Now i want to heal my friends..I want to move in the supernatural..
Jesus I love YOU!
Thursday, July 08, 2004 »
i dunno wads wrong with my dad..just came home and he started scolding me for no reason..
hahaha.. dunno wad to sae lar
today got alot of research stuffs to do..havta print..find..annotate..alot lar
tml is the floorball my house comm and i organised..busy
choral fest coming..havent learn my songs..national day songs haven learn..
my studies..gotta work on it..
choir bbq coming..better do something about it..
so mani things..
Holy Spirit help me go thru such times..i dun wan to get side tracked! i wan to be more focused on Jesus! on God!
Monday, July 05, 2004 »
got bbq today!
stupid me go touch the burning charcoal with my fingers..
now my finger burnt
got a big blister
square square one
Saturday, July 03, 2004 »
ITs abit weird lar..woke up about 5 min ago and i haven brush my teeth and everything yet..
haha just wanted to pen down my thoughts on some stuffs that just pop into my mind a few minutes ago
Can human beings really live without love? really live void of love..emotions and everything..I was thinking..people are always seeking to find love..but are they really..truly satisfied with what they found?
ok..take my generation for example..
Guy + Gal = fall in love
nex..they live happily ever after...for a few months..weeks..days at least..
quarrel..u r not suitable for me..blah blah blah..u dun understand me..lets break up
cry..heartbroken..cry..complain..suicide? i dun wanna live anymore..i hate him/her
then its either..oh..im so sorry..i love you..
hey..i got a new gf/bf..
dun u find that its a vicious cycle?
People are constantly seeking for others to love and to be loved back..
why are they looking for things that are not eternal and might just fall apart easily..? are they really blinded by the illusions of passion..of the devil's version of love?
Why cant they see that theres a God out there who love us all even before the foundation of the earth? why? He loved us so much that He gave us a earth to live in..structured in such a way and in such detail that a 0.1% miscalculation might cause earth to be just like mars or venus..or closer still..the moon?
I simply dont understand..God love us unconditionally..wad do people love each other for? For fame? For looks? For money? For recognition? For power? Issit really love? How do u define love with your loved ones anyone? Simply said..I also dont know..but the only thing i noe is that..God loved me in a very very real way and theres no mistake about that..why cant other people feel so?
alright u married people..this is not for u..or those mature enuff to date etc..
I'm talking about the younger ones..the more fragile love..haha
ok lar..im just crapping..dunno wad im talking about anyway..
WheeE!!! Later got cell group! so excited! heh heh heh heh heh muahahahahaha
den after that got bbq with my alpha house committee members! hahaa but i prefer to hang out with my cell group..people of the same Spirit mahz..hahaha i really loved them so much..
I better get off doing my song sheet..if not later they are going to kill me..hehehe...and i dun wan to die so soon..
had to be accountable yeah..hahaha
did i mention about my quiet time yesterday about how God healed my heart? hahaha its so amazing on inner healing..
Oh yes..I wanted to explore my gift of a evangelist..Jolene ask me to venture into it and find out the gifts of it..she said I might have the power of healing..haha frankly speaking..I nid to overcome the fear of not getting people healed..Nid to hav faith man!! so...anyone out theres whos sick/hurt nid me to heal them? hahahaa
haha..i got nothing to say..really very disappointed at this friend..
last week..and a few days back..he promised me..mind u PROMISED me that he will come to church with me this week..for service..
just now..1 hour ago..he told me maybe he cannot come..might have a date..
date? i was like huh!? ..haha.. now saturday lor..only now den u tell me..tml is sunday liao..was really angry..mixed emotions bahz..
I'm going with him for the earlier service lor..to think that my service is right after that..he live in ang mo kio there too..i live wherE? pasir ris. he got think of the trouble i had to go thru to meet him? the sacrifices I had to make? i'm physically so tired..i nid real rest..rest i didnt have for a long long time..
but im also angry..angry at him for making a promise to God and didnt fulfil it..of course..hes not a believer..he wont know..but his decision hurt me..really hurt..
its always the same for people..my frens..my family..my close ones..they missed out on God cuz of superficial stuffs..i just felt sad..
Told God during my quiet time just now..I wan to lift up these burdens to Him..I was so disappointed i cried out tO God..He never failed me..filled me with His presence..I just felt that..God did so much for me..i wanted to do something more for Him..but i noe i can never outgive Him..I just felt so sad..I really cried..
I smsed him the sms he sent me last week..the promise he made with me..i dun wan to force him to go..dun wan to make it an obligation..wad will that do? nothing right..i wan him to come willingly..to seek God on his own..Told him to giv God a chance and himself a chance..wonder if he will really do that..I told him I will wait at the mrt station from 815..if he didnt come..haha..den i will leave. haha really wonder if he will come at all lor..wonder wonder wonder.
ahhh well..went to church choir with gid and briony! Gid was late for 40 min..make me wait at the coffee shop like an idiot..>_< but the baby beside me was so cute! haha i always love kids..muahaahHaaHahahahaha..so adorable! nex time i wan alot alot alot of kids! so fun! muahahahaha but its nex time right..haha God u hear wad i wan le hor..keke
5 min ago..gid got d/c again and i cant send him My Source for the dunno how mani times..haiyo..he should change a computer
FElicia coming baCK! SPiritual GiaNt! haha miss heR! 1 more day! yaY~
Alex guitar is so cool! haha look like an electric guitar!
Wanted to evangelize like never before..I pray God You will open up doors of opportunities for me..I trust in You..use me ! =p
Did i mention how much I loved my cell group? haha i love my cell group alot alot!! Thanks for everything guys and gals!
Oh yeah..one last thing..the most important one..haha I love God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
U mean how long right?
For eternity..I wan to be lost in His love..
I luv You Jesus!
Friday, July 02, 2004 »
yaY! exams finisheD! im so freee...hhaha
yest spent 4 hours in the library searching for books..hahah found some fantasy novels and some chinese love novels..hey dun giv me that face..haha i love raeding chinese love novels hahaha not those girly one mind u..its those written by people closer to my age..the wonder of the chinese language..haha im absolutely captivated by them..make my heart melt..
hahaha must be the novels fault..now i feel so love sick! loLz
but I got God~ hahaha enuff love liao..wait till my time come bahz..
Later got choir~~ meeting stupid gid at 740 lol..yest send him songs 2 times in a row but he keep d/C! Cannot make it aR! hahaaha
obededom bdae todaY! haha though he not my fruit but im so proud of him! hahaha starting to grow liao!~ not bad not bad
heh..now on to my own spiritual life! I nid to grow too! how much? ALot!