Saturday, July 30, 2005 »
Friday, July 29, 2005 »
Thursday, July 21, 2005 »
God gave me life, so that i can live.
Today, i made the decision to give what God gave me, for others. i made the decision to make a difference in someone else life, whether i know the person or not.
i donated my blood.
feeling very satisfied with my self...
and my bandage of course. its orange in colour, with lots of smiley faces.
im so glad i made the right choice.
Monday, July 18, 2005 »
I got Harry Potter and the Half Blood PrincE!
its such a sad sad book. but exciting nevertheless, fully captures my attention and stirs my imagination, wildly. shant disclose any thing here other than the fact that, Harry grew up. Adolescent age i guess.
Yesterday was my junior treat senior and i got a...
haha came timely man. my bag just spoilt. the so-called max's beng beng bag. courtesy of liying and persis. i still cant accept the fact that my friends think im those type of roadside gangster. they comment on just about everything. from my bags to the way i walk to the way i swing my arms. Bah!
first thing first, where got such a civilised ah beng. secondly, even if im an ah beng, im certainly a cannot make it one. cause im a high class person you see.
that aside, i still havent received the verdict of a nice date with my principal or my vice-principal. i pray the school admin forget all about it. only one in class not able to meet the darn criteria! so malu!
i promise to work hard from now on. actually i already am. been spending less and less time online.
mic and meli abandoned me today. they just dont want to study with me. maybe, just maybe, cause i stink. boohoo! i got a sneaky suspicion that they knew i had pe today and they are afraid of my manly scent. they're just afraid of sinking into it. what to do. i even offered to go down VJC's library and study with them you know.
i got abandoned.
oh, a guy requested that i add him in friendster, again. apparently, he says he likes me very much and wants to get to know me better. i bet you my socks that if i add him, hell will break loose. -shudders-
cant help it if im adorable. sigh.
Thursday, July 14, 2005 »
yesterday and today was a happy day!
1) i forgot about all my unhappiness.
2) life carried on as normal for me
3) i had bible study on wed!
but alot of stupid things happened.
1) took 14 to YMCA then slept on the bus for 50min! was lost in the end. but not that bad.
2) was having veggie fast (cause im sick) then the auntie put meat in my plate! tempted me for like 2secs den i gave the meat to my hungry leacher girl-friends.
3) not satisfied with free food, they blackmailed me for another $2. cause i wanted them to help me buy a bottle of water. bahz
4) was studying at ymca when a bunch of secondary school people who came from other schools marched up to me and asked me if they can sit at my place. i agreed. but it turned out to be a diastrous thing which i did cause they were freaking noisy and i cant concentrate! so so so so not considerate and mindful of what others are thinking. was really angry with them.
5) spent all my money on canned food (vegetarian somemore)
all these were yesterday's stuffs! haha today nothing much happened too.
bah. i found out that im quite volatile in moving between groups in my class. muuahaHaHaha. i am a surviver! so in different situations i'd just mix and match. LoL
ok, im mean. bah. enough sleep i guess
Tuesday, July 12, 2005 »
did i mention i love mon cheri chocs! they are so nice and fabilicious man! i love the taste of the album coupled with the milk chocolatish taste, a sweet delight for me. bribed my bro to buy some for me to last my day through.
other than that, my day was crap.
woke up with very bad pain in the tummy then went to see the doctor. he said im stressed.
maybe i am.
stressed about school. stressed about my studies. stressed about my prelims. stressed about my A's.
put in so much effort, but this is what i get. hai.
Lord, help me. I really need You now.
Monday, July 11, 2005 »
Till i see You - Hillsong
The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You
With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You
I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You
You are a voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you
You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name
whats my problems compared to the things you've done for me, Lord?
even in times of troubles, i know its hard, but i will always remember of the things You've done for me the things You made possible in my life and the greatest thing which You did 2000 years ago on the cross for me.
truly God, Whom have I in heavcen but You. Nothing compares to the works which You did.
im going back to my salvation point, to the prophecies You gave for me, to the miracles You've done for me, to the love You gave for me Father. whatever happens, let it be done in Your will.
now im positive im going to have a chat with the principal.
fren told me that i did badly for my econs. wow. how nice
all my results fall short of my expectations..all except maths..which i know that i'd do badly. no need for me to elaborate yah?
was feeling really really down the whole day. even now. i guess, when things fall short of what you want it to be, its bound to affect how you are going to feel, your emotions, your feelings, your mood.
i really did put in alot of effort for econs. i love the subject, i really do. but why is it that, why is it that, things happen this way?
came home early, really no mood to stay outside.
felt like being alone for the next few days. just me and God.
i dont want to go school. really felt traumatized.
bleak and gloomy entry. im sorry.
but it reflects what im feeling right now.
Sunday, July 10, 2005 »
today after service went to the air-port to study. kind of funny dont you think that they call the place air-port, while they call the shipping place ship-yard. bahz. why not water-port? water-yard? air-yard? bahz. funny people.
did you know there a brand called air-pork. like, flying pig?
miracles can happen with words. well, if you twist it well enough.
like ladders become bladders. ok, im just being lame.
me, mel and alex were eating our hearts out during the first..urmm..half an hour. we ate pasta. man i love pasta and im trying to learn to be a cell-class chef. (world class is much too big an ambition). my first goal is to beat jennifer. then george. then emily. muaHaHaHa. den i'd take over cooking for cell!
cannot let people kill, steal and destroy this fantastic dream of mine.
i love hanging out with my cell members. so fun! they are so energetic..machiam like monkeys like that. the girls are taitais. the guys are orang utans. im sure monkeys got taitai monkeys. in a monkeyish sort of way.
shared alot with one of my favorite cell member alex the lion today. (my favorite members are jolene, alex, briony, melissa.t, melissa.K, jennifer, gideon, angeline, yanling, emily, mark, samuel, teik kheng, george, vanessa) its always nice to share your revelations. heh heh.
alex said people love to blog him so i shall restrain from mentioning too much of him in this entry other than he and mark tried to kill me again. but i bit mark. hope he dont have rabies.
im done with this.
Saturday, July 09, 2005 »
my muscles are aching and burning all over me. how cool is that!
compliments of the intensive p.e (ironically they call it physical education which, for the life of me, cant find out whats the thing which we learnt from it other than knowing how to kill our body faster) programme which they have in school. physical torture as well as mental torture. they sure know how to make the best out of everything.
and i really think exams are killing me. not only they make me kill my brain cells (by a trillion everyday, i think. do i even have so many brain cells?) , they want to induce me with fats from all the yummylicious looking food i've eaten during the hols while im studying. darn. they got me there again. some people are just too smart, ie the teachers.
alex pounced on me during overnight prayer meeting again today. oh wait, no, he squeezed me to death instead. he gave me one of his big and warm bear hugs with me and mark which made me face-kissed mark on the side of his face (talk about eww) and squeezed the living breath out of me. for a split second, i can see my life flashing past.
if you think everything ended there, it didnt. just when i thought im dead, he released me and i can feel fresh air rushing into my lungs again. Praise God for that. alex, left me to cling on for my dear life for the next 1 - 2 hours, then proceeded over to demonstrate his status as No.1 socialite in the world. he just seem to know everyone. and everyone seems to know him. afterwhich, he hugged me again. images of my life zoomed to 2x the normal size again.
you should know by now that i managed to survive right?
i think that im smarter when im younger.
i wonder what happened.
im still exhausted. off to sleep again.
Friday, July 08, 2005 »
was taking the bus home with one of the malay stalls aunties from my school's canteen yest when we started talking about the family ties, traditional values and the likes. yaya, im a pretty chatty person and im proud of it. i can talk while some people cant, so why do i (or u) should complain? no puns intended =) .On being a Singaporean...
im not ashamed to tell people that im from this tiny dot in the map, right down at the southern tip of malaysia and that, we are a bunch of "controlled" people. i consider myself a carefree and laid-back person and that i live life with a certain slogan that says - "Live boldly and freely or die boringly".
i wont apologize for my father and mother who let me live in this small, secluded island state and that we live our lives aimlessly under the leadership of a one party state (which technically is not the case, we are still democratic you see). or my grandfather who fought as a veteran (i think lar) in WW2 or my uncles and aunties who slacked their lives in Singapore. so why does overseas writers who did writeups on Singapore claim that Singaporeans are under a "one-man rule turned obsessive"? we dont live in a terror filled society always conscious of what we say, what we eat and what we do. and frankly speaking, where in the world can you find a media which is not censored in one way or another?
give me a break. you dont live here, you dont comment about life here. historian or not. whether you had done your research thoroughly or not. i may not be the best patriotic singaporean around here but still, i love my country. period. so stop bullshitting ya?
note to travellers : the above is not intended for you. feel free to come here anytime =).
hey im just doing my part to promote.On losing traditional values..
westernization is taking a toll on the multi-racial culture in singapore. both individually and among the different racial groups.
auntie A started a conversation with me like this:
Auntie A: aye did you know that my grandkids dont talk malay anymore?
Me : are you sure?! i thought it only happen for the chinese?
Auntie A: im serious about it. their papa mama speak to them in english most of the time now. i got such a hard time talking to them!
Me : it cant be that bad right? i mean malay and english are nearly the same.
Auntie A: my grandkids ar..so salah
! i tell them to sit in malay (pardon me i forgot whats the word), they just stare at me you know. then i say sit sit sit den they sit.
Me : so serious?! alamak. auntie you know chinese also like that you know. most of the younger generation hates chinese.
Auntie A: second language mah..
and we went on to talk about certain stuffs. sheesh. well, you get what im trying to say right. 2nd language is fast becoming a null term in Singapore, whether you are a chinese, indian or a malay. how ironic. to think that the government only focus on the speak good english campaign. sure, you can get more business and stuffs into the country but think again, we are becoming a second hand westerners! not that its something bad.
but asian not being asian?
then again, maybe its natural that the way 2nd language is view as something of no importance because in this world, everything thats 2nd is really not important!
Thursday, July 07, 2005 »
God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.
God is really awesome lar! He cheered my spirits up.
This is what He showed me - Psalms 91:1-4
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty
I will say of the LORD , "He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust."
Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler."
heh..the last line "His truth shall be your shield and buckler"
really ministered into my heart. I know the solution to stop the fears from coming to me! The answer I've always known, the answer has always been there for me, the answer I've been using again and again in my spiritual walk with God.
I must confess the word of God boldly and confidently into my situation! Whenever fear wants to strike me down or even touch me briefly,
2 Time 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind"
Just keep on meditating the word of God! it acts as a shield to cover me from any attacks! what the devil is trying to do is only trying to brush across the shield and sending the teeny weeny shudders down my spine to make me think that I've lost my battle! in fact i havent! God is always there to protect me! When i confess the word of God, the truth of the Lord protects me, acting as my shield and my buckler! now how cool is that! no weapons form against me shall propser! Wheee! i've been cheated all along!
The Holy Spirit indeed opened my spiritual eyes to perceive what I failed to notice! victory is always mine! just there for me to grab it! For God is always there to protect me from harm.
Deut 33:27 "The eternal God is your refuge,
And underneath are the everlasting arms;
He will thrut out the enemy from before you,
And will say, 'Destroy!'
True enough, today my maths teacher never even scold me at all! which is what i feared all along! Not a breath of fire was breathed against me! I passed my history! haha can secure a C bahz i pray! pray really hard and i pray i can pass my econs and Gp too! failed my maths again! but this is the last time im going to fail it! believing in God for His divine wisdom and strength!
planned out my study timetable le! proud of it! im so going to stick to it man!
Glory to God again!
i know i know.. my second layout in like..one day!
but its cute what! so nice and fluffy..wahaHaHa
too bad i dont like the words..but then again i can live with it!
angels are sent from God. i believe that they are perfect as they are helpers sent to us from God.
i say here first. whatever the layout of the blog displays. does not mean that i agree to it.
face it. the blog is cute. =)
Wednesday, July 06, 2005 »
Genesis 12:7 - "Then the LORD appeared to Abram and said, "To your descendants I will give this land." And there he built an altar to the LORD, who had appeared to him.
In our walk with God, building an altar before Him is something we do consistently and persistently. The hebrew word for the altar is the word mizbeah, meaning to slaughter. In the old testament, God linked the altar to love - the demonstration of Abraham sacrificing Isaac on the altar in the land of Moriah. This is the first time which love was shown in context in the bible. The altar of God is "place of sacrifice".
Many times, we have to go to our land of Moriah - our land of visions, and lay down ourselves on the altar and present our lives as a sacrifice to God. Its tough. The way we have to forgo the control of our own body and leave our flesh and soul bare for God to deal with. He is the Potter and we are His clay, His workmanship. God will never leave us always the same, He will constantly stretch us and mould us into His liking. Something which many of us do not like.
I've learn throughout my walk with God that its hard for me to always place myself on the altar of God and telling God that "Lord, I'm here. Do to me as You wish". It's hard and the words always does not seem to be able to come out. Frankly speaking, who wants to be skinned, emptied and be bloodied?
Yet, our father of faith, Abraham did it willingly and not out of reluctance, "Gen 22:3 - So Abraham rose early in the morning" He didnt let there be any delay when God called him to sacrifice his son nor was there any form of reluctance even when he knows that its his beloved son of whom he is going to offer up to God. He did everything out of obedience to God, and God alone only.
On the part of Isaac, when he was being sacrificed on the altar, with his father ready to slay him with the knife or when he was even placed on the altar, isaac did not show any part of resistance. He, like his father, displayed equal faith in the Almighty. He had submitted himself fully. He knows that he and his father are acting in obedience and in accordance to God's will. Even when he dies, they know that God will somehow restore him. Had not both placed great faith in the Lord, this great effort of sacrificing someone, something you loved will not have been done smoothly.
I learnt that, when God calls you, we always have to take two different actions. Dont show any delay in answering. Always obey with a willing heart. Though things may seem like thrash or things may seem hard to do at first, I told myself that God knows the thoughts which He thinks towards me, thoughts of good and not of evil, so as to give me a future and a hope (Jer 29:11). Bad things will always work out fine. We got to face it, God's ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Whatever situations we may be facing now cause we answered God's call, be it good or bad, always have a purpose in my life, either to mould me or to open my eyes to new dimensions which I've never seen before. This first act is to place oneself on the altar in obedience.
The second act which I've learnt is that I must always be in submission to God when on the altar. When I struggle against the chastenings and the mouldings of someone, I found out that I'm never going to be changed. I'd always revert back to my old self no matter what. Despite the long hours of talks or scoldings, if I dont submit and humble myself to change. I wont change. You can be on the altar of God, acting only out of obedience, yet you can still wont submit yourself to God fully. In this way, God cannot change you fully. Like Isaac, he knows that even if he is going to die he still submitted with obedience and not obedience with rebellion, we must learn to steer ourselves to what God wants us to do and to follow through it. Without ever giving up even once. Thus, Submission is vital in our sacrifice to God.
Our time, our dreams, our visions, all these, we must place on the altar of God. Knowing that what God wants may not be what we want and always to acknowledge the full authority of His sovereingty. Things may hit ground zero, but God will always restore it, if we obey in submission to Him.
Hey..its been a really really long time since i last blog. the reason? well..my browser cannot seem to let me create and entry and lazy me jus forgot about it all. dont blame me, blame the browser! (points to the comp and screams).
truthfully, i'm feeling very very down these days. the result of the greatly feared - EXAMINATIONS! frankly speaking, i hate exams, they take the fun out of life, alot. How much can you remember about the things you've learnt in school anyway. Pastor Audrey said something that really made me laughed me ass off - 70% of what university students studied will be lost within the lifespan of 1 year. What is this man! all the nights of slogging through and mugging, the sleepless nights, the dreamless sleeps, the coffee-induced alertness all amounts to nothing! well, not nothing, ignoring the fact that such stuffs do provide temporary glorifying to oneself, keyword 1 TEMPORARY.
keyword 2 ONESELF. as a firm believer, i dont believe in glorifying myself but in glorifying Jesus and again, fame to oneself is temporary, yet glorification to God's name is eternal.
I really want to thank
God for the grace He provided me to pull through the tough nights of unproductive studying, His presence always with me, tangible and real. I know I'm not going to let go of You, no matter what happens. Love nor hate nor studies is going to pull me away from You. What i really learnt during this month of intensive studying is that I really find out that (as i was sharing with the sch's christian group today) is really the meaning of - Worship is not Worship when God is first in your life, Worship is only Worship when God is ONLY
in your life. Courtesy of Pastor Phil Pringle. many times i'm tempted to shortchange my quiet time to concentrate on my studies but thank God, i didnt. i doubt without His presence, i can really pull through. I dont worship my studies, i dont worship my friends, i dont worship the church, i dont worship people, i only worship God alone, thats when nothing, can ever take His place - now and forever.
I'm not ashamed to say that i'm tempted. its normal.
Alot of things happened this month. My secondary school friend's dad passed away. My condolences to you, Gina. I really dont know what to say, dont know how to console you, dont know how you are feeling. All i know is that, I'm always by your side if you need me. A call and i will answer. My current classmate's mother died because of cancer. Lydia, you are a strong girl, despite knowing what happened, you never lost your faith, in your mother overcoming her fight with cancer. What i really learnt from these is that life is really fragile. Things that may seem tangible to us know may one day fade away, softly yet swiftly. Thinking back on the days when I found out that my mother, too had cancer, i was scared stiff. Despite having a relationship then (around 3 years back), i know that i was insecured, unsure about what life may bring. I'm scared of losing my parents. I'm scared of not having them to scold me, to pamper me, to crap with me. I'm scared of them not being there and knowing that..they are there for me. Many times i cried myself to sleep, i shuddered when i think of the consequences.
For those who really know me well. I'm an avid fan of dreams. I love to dream alot. To let go of myself and really realise my thoughts and my feelings and soar above the sky to places unknown to me, to things I never had before, to places I never been before. Dreams for my future, dreams for my friends, dreams of my family. Which is to say, i think alot. Hope you know what I'm trying to say.
I want to know what's its like flying in the sky. I want to know that my family will be saved. I want to know that I will see my friends in heaven one day. I want to know alot of things.. God's plan and future for me. I want to know..things i wont reveal.
I lost to my fears during my examinations. Pictures of my teacher brawling at me came real and sharp inside my mind. Pictures of me failing. Pictures of my past failures keep recurring inside me. Moments of anger, moments of bitterness struck at me deep and hard. The devil hit me hard. he knows where to attack me this time. My mind. As zhenyi said, my mind controls the whole body, if the mind fails to function, so does the body. My emotions derailed even after I meditated on the word of God during the exam. Bitterness i never felt before keep wanting to enter me. sadness overcame my feelings. what i felt then was i cannot and wont be able to do well for the exam. Still, i trust to lean on God, i know that whatever i may be facing now, is not for the worse, but for the better. i really hope to get out of this attack soon!
nothing for now le. forgot what i wanted to say.
All Glory be to God!